Reader Question (Finale): Why Are Certain Interracial Pairs More Common Than Others?

On interracial dating peers that are most common:

...Why do certain race pairs predominate and what do we think about that. i.e. black m/white f OR old white m/east asian, young f.

That's a thought-provoking question, and one that there's really no easy answer to, but I will try to explain my thoughts on these pairings.

I think it has a lot to do with gender, and what that gender (and race) tends to prize, find "exotic." This is not always the case. My ex-husband is dating a very nice Asian lady, and I know that he was attracted to her positive qualities, and not her Asian-ness or any fetishes associated with her race.

Men will always feel more at will to date who they feel because their men. Their sexuality isn't "owned" by society or their racial groups per se. Women's sexuality, especially that of minority women, tends to be something that men of their race feel entitled to by virtue of them being from the same racial group.

I usually encounter that when dealing with the few black men I have encountered who take issue with my current mate's race. They feel like they can tell me who to date and be with, as if my sexuality is theirs to discuss. There is no discussion about who I'm intimate with, and I usually make that clear in the first place.

Men don't really have to answer to society. They are still the "good old boys." They can get away with that. This means that men are free to do what they want without having to answer to women in their demographic (racial).

I mention this because both instances show that the most common IR pairings are black men and white women, and white men and Asian women. I can't speak for everyone, but it has been long believed that Asian women are the closest thing to dating someone of a different race that some white men want to go.

Mr. Slim once told me that his ex-roomate would only go as far as dating an Asian girl. I believe that this is because, in the mind of some white men, Asian women are "the other" that is safe, and not too "other-ish." We've also fetishized Asian culture quite nicely, so Asian women are fetishized and exoticized themselves.

Black men and white women are common for several reasons. In this country, anyway, it's bound to happen. African-Americans share a bond with White-Americans, whether they choose to accept it or not. You've been through major wars together, have been here on this land together for the longest time. I think this convo would be different if Native American populations weren't marginalized and removed from society to subpar reservations/killed off by war crimes against them, decades ago.

Some black men date white women, to get back at white America because they feel that deflowering white women is a slap in the face of the "man." Some do it because they feel white women are the meaning of femininity and grace.

And as men, they can make these choices easier, without opposition (that frightens them anyway) and not care, that is why those pairings are more common.

It's a proven fact some black women feel like they must date only within their race, when they are in fact open to dating non-black men. I don't know if white women feel this sort of pressure as much, so they are able to do some exploration.

It's interesting and worthy of discussion. At the end of the day, I would say gender, and male privilege, is a factor. Not being negative, but it does pay to be a guy sometimes.

What are your thoughts on the IR pairings?

These people suck by virtue of being Freepers, but they had an interesting convo on White men and Asian women. Some agreed, others didn't. They all gave a plethora of answers.

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